The Pink Box, The Past, and Brian Shirey

On the kitchen counter side by side
Protein shake and donut box now reside.
Donuts taunt with their maple-y frost--
But the protein shake says, "at what cost?"

"You've worked so hard, why come to this--
For one single moment of sugary bliss
Think of your goals, and how far you came
Don't take the bait, 'cause you'll be to blame!"

The donuts play stupid, but really beguile
"Girl -- just eat me!" they say, with their sugary smile.
Then they fall quiet, like some ominous sign
Now the choice to be made can only be mine.

So on that counter, still 1-2-3
The donuts and my "goal goodies" speak to me--
But I choose to make the better choice
They may be speaking, but it's still MY voice!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Girl...just eat me." Yeah....NO.  That's exactly how I got here over the past two years, pretty much eating whatever I wanted, grazing at my desk on goodies, not working out any more than the 10,000 steps I'd log in at work. 5 turned into 10...then 20 and now a number that Shall Not Be Named. I kept thinking as it went up -- Diet schmiet.....I can lose it if I want.

Well...once you turn 50, you have to do more than WANT it.  You have to WILL it.

Yeah...work. Ugh. Fat makes you beg for mercy when you are over 50.

My whole life I have struggled with my weight, mostly due to a host of poor food choices as a child. We were comfortably middle-class -- emphasis on comfortable -- and my parents were always on some type of diet (usually Weight Watchers).  I only ever knew diet sodas and skim milk, ice milk "ice cream" or the awesome Weight Watcher "shake" (frozen strawberries and skim milk). My mom would always give me some if I asked. mmmm.

I ate pans of biscuits while watching CHiPs on TV, drooling over the buttery goodness probably more than Erik Estrada. I made onion dip and destroyed a bag of chips listening to the radio on the weekends, or watching hours upon hours of trivia-show television. Babysitters made fried bologna for us and we ate fast food and Dairy Queen at least three times a week.  (Honestly, as I write this...I am surprised I wasn't heavier.....) I rode my bike everywhere, so I guess that kept me from getting too tubby.



It didn't help that I was also pretty gawky (read:UGLY) as a kid. I had bifocals in first grade, so they called me "six eyes" instead of four eyes. Bullied repeatedly for several years after that. Gaining the weight didn't help as I got older.  Finally got contacts and ditched the glasses, but not the chub.






Tenth grade.  Yearbook class.  Brian-freaking-Shirey. Hecka cute, athletic, blond feathered hair, comb in the back pocket.....every 80's girl's dream boy. I had a big time crush on this kid. Big.  Apparently he thought of me the same way...not crush though--BIG. I overheard him talking to another classmate in the dark room (they didn't know I was there). "You know, Michelle would be a lot prettier if she wasn't so fat......." Luckily no one can see you cry in the dark.

Devastated doesn't describe. He soon started dating another Michelle who was on the cross-country team -- athletic and thin. Actually, looking back I think she might have been anorexic or something. She never ate, just ran. Now I wonder what she was running from....

For awhile I wallowed in self-pity and extra runs to Farm Basket, Naugles, and Dairy Queen. But then....something just clicked.

I did this....but I can change. I can fix this. 

And screw you, Brian Shirey. You don't own me.

And I did. Crazy-like actually.  I lost 20 pounds that summer with Slim Fast, swimming, and smarter food choices. I did summer school and volunteered 40 hours a week at the hospital. By the time I went back to school for my junior year, I was a "new" girl with a sweet new wardrobe in smaller sizes. And BOY did it get me a lot of attention..... Brian who?

The problem was -- in my head, I was still that fat, awkward gawky girl with a bunch of useless trivia in her head lying to herself that she "fixed" things. It took a LONG time before I could finally say that the inner Michelle and the outer Michelle were ever travelling together.

Fast forward (past a lot of other future blog posts) and here I am 4 kids, three moves, a few pets, one sassy grand-daughter, and 30 married years later....and I am again looking at the outer "fat" girl wishing she would change.

Then I heard my voice from the summer of sophomore year.....You did this...but you can change. You can fix this.

So buh-bye sugar. You are NOT my friend anymore.

Hasta la vista, you bad carbs. Get thee hence!

Come on in, portion control, protein shakes and plain yogurt...have a seat and stay awhile. Chicken, avocados, and the occasional cheese stick -- you are welcome in my house. You too, spinach salads. 


My gorgeous hubby and I are going on a cruise for our 30th anniversary and I will be damned if I let that "fat" girl in my head board the boat with us. Her "fat" friend in the mirror won't be going either. 


I did this...but I can change. I can fix this. 



Screw you, pink box.  You don't own me. 

Set in Stone but Prepared in Play-Doh

I

I firmly believe in sharing and share best thru writing when something strikes me as needing to be shared. So, here I go....

I read a posting recently on Twitter (actually multiple tweets due to the word limit) where the original poster was bemoaning being a "millenial" -- that it was hard to be an adult when the world was so against them. Here is the start of her missive and a couple other screenshots, should you want to follow her whole thread: 

That they couldn't buy a home because of the weight of student loans, for degrees that society pushed them to get. That they weren't married or in a relationship or having children until after 30. Because society was deciding how much money or what kind of job or person they needed to be to be called "successful". 

I will give you the REAL "Because"....

(and I will use "millenials" loosely as a term because I believe it's more of an excuse than a moniker.  Actually I think I will call them "kids" instead -- because at my age, they are)

...choices. These kids make choices.

NO ONE told them they had to get a degree, no one told them they had to get loans. That was their CHOICE. I actually got paid to go to school between scholarships and grants -- I also lived at home and went to school locally. I told my kids if they wanted to go to college, they were paying for it. I have one who is mostly funded thru scholarships and one who has a mix of scholarship and self-funding with his job. I heard of a valedictorian who is funding thru loans because she didn't do the work to get scholarships -- which would have been handed to her on a silver platter as a valedictorian. But she made the choice that the work wasn't worth it.

Why are kids today afraid of hard work? "Everyone gets a medal" was only in little league......

You want to go to college? GO. If you can't work yourself thru or don't choose to apply for scholarships and you have to get loans -- be smart. And don't complain about them because that was a CHOICE. THEIR choice. 

I also have two sons who are tradesmen (one is a cell tower tech and one is a stagehand)....and we have a current shortfall of a LOT of tradespeople because college is talked up a little too much. Think about how life will be in ten years with no cell tower techs, stagehands, builders, plumbers, electricians, carpenters, hairdressers, painters, salespeople, servers, hotel workers etc...College isn't for everyone and teachers and parents need to stop pretending that it is. And for both of my older kids -- it was a great career path. My husband is an electrician -- was going to college when we met, but realized he was going mostly to please his parents, not himself. Much happier when he quit. And he makes as much or more than a LOT of college-educated people, for those of you who are into the money thing. So to those of you kids who look down on ANYONE who works with their hands or in retail or service industries......boo on you.

I actually catch some flak for working retail even tho I have a college degree. GUESS WHAT? Best choice ever to work for Costco 15 years ago. I make $26 an hour "counting socks" (I am an inventory auditor). Full benefits (even when I was part time), 401K, 

5 weeks vacation, flexible schedule, on and on. My CHOICE has paid off by allowing me to spend more time with my family and do the things in the community that actually make me happy.  The job -- well, it's just a job. And it is actually irritating as hell sometimes, like most jobs are.  I have no delusions of grandeur that the company will fail without me. I am replaceable there....but I personally believe NO job or wordly success will compensate for failure in the home. And that's why I have made the choices I did. For my home and my children.

Work SMARTER, not HARDER. My dad told me that all the time,  It's true.

I watch kids spend money and want/need things like their parents currently have--expensive trips, house, car, boat, etc. Their parents worked for some of those things for years.  SAVE. And save more. It doesn't have to hurt, but the rewards are worth it. You want to go on that trip? DO IT -- just don't go into debt over it. Same for college. Son #2 and wife bought a house before they got married. At age 24 & 25. Sacrifices (choices that might hurt a little) are always WORTH IT in the long run. My son #1 is getting a house this week with his family, after nearly a decade of his unwise choices that put him at a disadvantage on several levels...GUESS WHAT? He changed his choices, with the help of a supportive, loving wife and daughter. You can too.

The problem is, so called "millennials" are only in it for the SHORT run. Jobs, relationships, opportunities.....I watch kids miss out on some great opportunities because they are afraid of making a choice and possibly failing. FAIL. Fall down a few times. That's how you learn. This generation where everyone got a medal for participating is now paying for it in spades. These kids did not learn to fail and then learn from it --and maybe that is where the "millennial parents" have an inkling of responsibility in this so-called issue. My kids learned to fail -- but I even think I could have done a better job by letting them soak in a few more failures and not coming to the rescue. But they do know as adults I am there for them and will come if they need me....other than that, they basically run their own show. 

And sorry, but society does not TELL you what you need or how much $$$ you have to have to be a success. That comes from the "everyone needs a medal to be happy" people. Read the story of The Sneetches from Dr. Seuss. Or You Are Special by Max Lucado. Just because someone else has something and is happy and others are happy FOR them, doesn't mean it's right for you. Or that you are better because of the things you have, not the person you are or are trying to become. That's nonsense. Other peoples' opinions of you are none of your business. Our society tends to elevate people for the wrong reasons anyway (ie: Kardashians). Don't play their game. 

I am married, nearly 30 years. 4 kids, one granddaughter, three puppies. LOTS of heartache, challenges, etc. thru the years. But we loved each other thru it because it mattered -- not the size of our home, fancy clothing and decor, new cars, expensive trips, etc. The things "society" says you need to be happy and important are just another star on the Sneetch. Don't buy into it, Financial difficulties from over-extending yourself are responsible for so much stress, abuse, divorce, etc. Live within your means and you will be happy. Promise.

And if you are OK with where you are at and you are happy....THAT is amazing. BE you. DO you. Don't let the so-called "they" get into your head and tell you otherwise. Who the heck are "they" anyway and why are you giving them permission to rent space in your head? The original poster kind of comes around to saying be happy with yourself, but not after first complaining and blaming society for a "life" she created. BUT....if you are where you are because of your CHOICES and you are NOT happy, it is not the end. Learn to make better ones. Get help. Get training.  Heck--go BACK to school if you think it will help you...but do it smartly and don't incur outrageous debt. A life isn't set in stone until you are resting under one.    

I tell my kids ALL the time...."the choices you make are the choices you keep". So make them either a blessing or a lesson. End of story. 

The (Bamboo) Forest for the Trees

What you see is a silverware drawer, organized. But it is much much more....

I have had these organizers, in a box in my pantry since August 2014. Still had the receipt taped to it. Bought them on sale at my work. And there they sat for the longest time....why?  Not because I didn't have time, but because I did not think I was worth having them. So they did not see the light of day for 16 months.

So why now?  After all this time?




Life has been very challenging lately.  I help a lot of people in my life -- that's me, that's what I do. From my kids to my spouse, to people at church, to teachers and community causes.  I. HELP. It's actually engrained in my nature. I am a friend to and friendly with pretty much everyone I meet. Sadly, the world does not see things half-full, always cheery or friendly.... and people who you are there for, both literally and figuratively, become sylph-like and silent when you need them.

(Editors note:  I have written the following few paragraphs, in their entirety, like umpteen times.  It's too real.  Like the words hurt. Nothing ventured, nothing gained...) I have settled.  I DO settle.  I shouldn't, but that's where I have put myself.  Settled but uncomfortable in my own skin. Those darned organizers sat, taunting me from the depths of my pantry -- cursing boxes of macaroni and #10 cans of food storage -- because I settled. 

Many many years ago, as a newlywed, I separated myself from my circle of friends because I thought that's what you do.  To be a good wife and mother, you settle -- and give up people and things that matter to create (hopefully) new things and people that matter. I quickly found out that wasn't the case. Sure, I had that circle of church and "mommy" friends that came and went, depending on my kids' activities, church calling or people assigned to visit me....but as soon as that activity, calling or assignment disappeared, so did they. I began to wonder why I wasn't worth the time anymore from some of these people, but I kind of shook it off.  I was busy, and so was everyone else. Sigh. Time went on.... and I busied myself with life's busy-ness. Alone. Settled.

Family -- not really as tight as I would like it, but hey, everyone's busy, right?  Outside activities, like plays and performing -- well, maybe I am not quite their caliber, or age, or...well...Teach me to be better? No....Or, hey, maybe you'd like some help with that? No....Well, maybe we can do lunch this week...next month... over the summer....maybe, if you have time? No? Well, OK, everyone is kind of busy.  I'll just be quiet over here. Settle.

Work. Friends. Family. Church. It's all the same, lately. I settled and now I am NOT settled. Unsettled is more like it. I look back at the nearly 48 years on this planet and wonder how I got to this point. I did what I was supposed to, after all--I was an obedient child, Girl Scout, good grades, Honor Society, beauty queen, choir member, joined a church, graduated honors (twice), married in the temple, had kids, community service, teacher, steady job/jobs, church callings, donate to charity, perform on stage/ in plays/at church, friend to pretty much everyone......shh.  Do you hear that? It's the sound of silence. And it's louder than I could have ever imagined.

Somewhere along life's journey, I decided to make myself into what others wanted me to be, or supposed me to be. I found joy in helping others, attempting to better myself along the way.  I worked tirelessly for causes near and dear to me, and some near and dear to others. But these past few years have caused me to look back and take some serious inventory on my life.  I wrote about taking inventory some time back -- looking at what life gave you, how you dealt with it, and moving forward in a positive manner.  I think I have settled for so long I am not sure what "move forward" or "positive manner" even mean anymore. Where were those I helped when I needed help? 

Our little family has had it's share of challenges in the past decade--from multiple health issues and job stress to teacher troubles and bullying, crises of faith and of friendship, and the usual money, love, and life stuff that everyone has.  Right now the big scare facing us is my daughter's current unknown health condition. No diagnosis and worsening symptoms, having to leave school and pretty much society as she knows it, multiple doctor appointments, testing, and lots of sleepless nights surfing WebMd and scaring the hell out of myself. Most of her friends at school and church seem to have abandoned her, or ridicule her issues. Some of her teachers have been cruel and challenge her absences as selfish and symptoms self-imagined, if you can even imagine such a thing. Hence her change to online school -- where her loss of handwriting ability is also not an issue and she can rest when she needs. She does well there, but is so so alone in dealing with all of this, at fifteen -- where she should be creating a path to her own destinies and building friendships and memories to last a lifetime. She has gone from performing on stages in front of thousands of people to feeling so uncomfortable in her own skin that she rarely leaves the house. I feel myself crumbling every day under the weight of just her illness alone....and mostly alone is how I pretty much have dealt with it.

I have been alone on a lot of these journeys.  I look back and wonder how that choice was made -- and how I became "not worth it" to so many people. Was it the challenges themselves? Was it my vocal nature, to not sit idly by and be overwhelmed? Was it my nature to stand up for people being mistreated and taking the hits instead? Was I TOO self-sufficient, that people thought I didn't need (or want) and help muddling through? I am still not sure, but I am really tired of flying solo.

Even my husband has settled, I think. For a wife who isn't worth enough to the world, or even to him. Our dates and fun times are few and far between right now, replaced instead by responsibilities, worries, and mutual meh.  Is this what 27 years gets you?

He deserves better. So do I.

So this week, I am on vacation from the salt mines.  While tidying up around the house and getting ready to remove the Christmas decor, I came across these organizers in the back of the pantry. I stared at them.  They stared back, with all their shiny, bamboo-in-a-box sassiness they could muster. I lowered my head and they still stared. Curse you bamboo beauties. I can't explain the moment something changed, but it did. I about killed myself getting the box out of the pantry and ripping it open, splaying that bamboo bare for the world to see. I momentarily laid waste to my kitchen, destroying my already destroyed utensil drawers and tossing things that no longer made me happy. In the space of about an hour....they were there. Beautiful.  I took that picture above to commemorate the moment.  Just me and my bamboo....

And in that moment I realized something.  My life was a wreck because I allowed it to be, because I felt I didn't deserve nice things. My messy house.  My relationships (or lack thereof) with people. My meh marriage. My feeling of going nowhere and doing nothing with my life. My wanting to make a difference to the world and the world seeming indifferent to me. Maybe that's why my friends have been few and fleeting, or have moved on and away. Because my countenance was telling them they were not worth it to me.....

So 2016 is hopefully, surely, going to be a path to somewhere new for me. Sure, some of the stuff is out of my control, but I am still in the driver's seat on this tour of life.  It's either that or drive the bus off a cliff, which solves no problems and creates a big mess....

I want to be a writer and publish, so I am taking classes starting in January.

I (still) want to serve others, so I am becoming more involved in my community & church.

I want to travel, with and without my family, so I am looking at options/brochures.

I want positive relationships in my life with my husband, kids, family, and friends.  

I need to spend more time with my parents and inlaws because none of us are getting any younger.

I want a better body (that may take more work than just 2016), so my pantry is getting blown up and my butt is headed to boot camp.

I want (and deserve) a nice house with beautiful things, so I am de-cluttering and creating comforting spaces that surround me with joy and beauty.

I want a cure for my daughter, so I am searching the best options, being a medical pest regarding tests and referrals, and WebMd and its scary diagnoses be damned.  I pray daily for her to be surrounded and lifted up by good friends who make her smile.

I want and need and deserve a better, long-lasting relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I want to be a better representation of his gospel to others, and bring people to know what I know--that our church is true.  So I am heading to the temple more often to renew my covenants with my Father and strengthen my family.

I deserve to be surrounded by people who think I matter, so my FaceBook friend list may get smaller and I will find ways to tell people how much they mean to me, or how they have hurt me, or how much I want to learn from them -- so we can move forward on our journey, either together or separately. 

I deserve ME time sometime, and I am not going to feel guilty about that anymore when I take it. 

I want REAL friends in my life, where we do fun things and have adventures.  Friends who don't leave when the script changes. Friends who forgive me for settling and are willing to pickup where we left off.  Friends who promise to hug me till all my broken pieces stick together and kick my rear when I need it. Shiny new bamboo friends. Any takers? (obviously I have settled for so long I don't even know where to start on this one....)

Do you have room in your life for a new/renewed friendship? 

I want lunches, phone calls, performing opportunities, volunteer work, time to get to know people, new and old --  and time to forget who I am...or was. 

Time to become someone to be proud of, someone who doesn't think they have to settle to fit in or survive. 

Thanks, my beautiful bamboo. You are my first new friend of 2016. Sorry I took so long.

Thanks, but No Thanks.......

OK...word vomit commencing. Bleah. The "time to be thankful" posts. Completely absent the other 11 months of the year, but conspicuously OVER present in November. 

Why is November so special? Probably because there isn't much happening. The men have "no shave November", the kids have "no school November", so the women had to have SOMETHING to occupy their time besides the current disappointment over Starbucks holiday cups and gender-neutral toy aisles at Target.... and obviously anything beginning with an "N" would be too obvious, right? So, its Thanks--Thanksgiving? Thankful Thanksgiving?

I am starting my OWN movement, because my OCD says that it HAS to be in the same form as the men and munchkins....

No Shave November and No School November.....

MOVE OVER for "NO THANKS NOVEMBER"

Things you could definitely DO WITHOUT. I'll start:

Horrible diseases taking great people from those who love them.

So called parents who think kids are disposable.

People crying about their Starbucks Cups not being Christian.

People who Grinch.  Taking the whole tree back to their workshop because of one freaking light. 

(more on this in a later post....I kinda like this analogy).

Murderers and thieves having more rights than their victims.

Illegal immigrants having more rights than citizens.

Kardashians.

Working hard for what you have, and watching others

sit back and get free stuff while YOU pay for it.

People who are paid to work, but choose not to, so others work double to cover for their laziness.

People who think the world is better off without them (trust me, it isn't); people who act on it.

Miracles that only happen for other people. 

Epilepsy. Tremors. Headaches. Nausea. Exhaustion. And all of the above. At the same time.

Doctors who pretend to care as long as you intend to pay.

Doctors who make you provide your own diagnosis.  Web MD anyone?

Watching children suffer. Making children suffer.

People who think suffering is funny. Or better when ignored.

Blatant favoritism. Who you know over what you know.

Part time friends. At least with full time enemies, we know where they stand....

Offstage drama.

People who think a rainbow or a ribbon on their profile pic will solve the world's problems.

People who think going to church makes them a good person.

People who quit church because someone else decided they didn't belong there.

Corrupt politicians. Inept leaders. Power paid for by certain people.

Overpaid entertainers and athletes.  Underpaid teachers and public servants.

$15 minimum wage for minimum skills and effort.

NO THANKS

NO THANK YOU VERY MUCH.......

It's not that I am not thankful -- believe me I am.  With all the trauma and drama in my life, I still believe I am blessed immeasurably. 

This year, I will sit with my family at Thanksgiving and we will eat delicious food that I made. I will invite new people to join our gathering as we welcome more people into our circle. Usually people ask me if I want help with anything, to which I always reply, "no thanks, I got it".  But this year...this year will be different.

This year I am not going to wait for them to ask so I can say, "no thanks".

This year, they can help. I might even make some of them.

Because maybe, just maybe....I am denying someone ELSE an opportunity by saying "no thanks".

Maybe, just maybe, someone needs to be lifted out of their no-thanks November by being asked to join the circle and help someone else. I know that's what helps me the most, helping others....but a lot of times I am not wanted. Or asked. Or let in the circle.

This time of year is difficult for a LOT of people without having all that thankful and blessed crap shoved in their faces like turkey-day leftovers. Gobble.  That's right.  Sometimes, being outwardly, loudly, overly thankful for what you have is just plain selfish.  Being self-sufficient and not wanting help, or bragging outright on FaceBook that you have it all is a slap in the face to others who don't.

You instantly conjured up an image, a face in your head when you read that last sentence....

Don't lie -- you did. I know it, because I did too. Actually several.

They are the adult equivalent of the playground bully, or popular full-of-themselves kid that always had something better.  "You got an A?  Well, I got an A+".....you just got a mental image again, didn't you?

Guess what?  Join my movement.  NO THANKS.

I am not joining your pity party.  No Thanks....

I am not buying your blather that the star on your belly makes you the better Sneetch.  Thank you, NO. 

I will not change my FB status to talk about slugs sliming all over the floor, the color of my bra, etc., or change my profile picture to giraffes, or ribbons, or rainbows just because everyone ELSE said to. Sure, if you are truly into slugs or underwear, I guess you can do that, but why?  

No, no, thanks. Not a sheep.

I also won't stoop to your name calling, bullying, or senseless drama over some media-made non-issue that calls attention to stupid stuff. Or your loud, holier-than-thou yelling IN ALL CAPS  over something we disagree about. Seriously???? Nope.  Not gonna do it. Not a troll. 

I will help you and serve you, whether outright or in secret silence, because THAT is the way to become truly thankful people. By serving each other and trying to help figure out and muddle through some of life's sludge that NO ONE is really thankful for. Because that's why we need each other. And that's what I do, even if you don't.

This country became great because people refused to conform to the norm.  They thought outside the box and stood up for what they believed in. People hated them.  People thought they were crazy. Some stood alone. Some of them created great inventions, cured diseases, solved crimes, taught and learned lessons, corrected injustices, and just plain LIVED. Some of them -- a LOT of them -- died for their convictions. And most of the time, it wasn't for themselves or for their own personal glory.  It was for someone else.

Our generation can be proud that we stood up for a stupid Starbucks cup???

No thanks. I prefer my T.H.A.N.K.S.....

To Help A Nation, Keep Serving.

With The Program Comes the Play

Nope. Not going there.

Not when all the cards are in your hand

Not when it means someone loses, even when they win

Because in your game

Even winners lose.

Changing the rules

Changing the stakes

Hiding the aces

Stirring the pot

Can't even change what you can't know.

That I already win

Because games aren't life

And I learned that long ago.

I learned that a true friend laughs with you, not at you

Supports your beliefs, not mocks them

Dances for your joys and stands silent for your pain.

I just don't get it.

I don't get why we want so much to be adults

To grow up --

But behave like children when we arrive.

Or why a helping hand, given in love,

Can be pushed away with jealous hatred.

Has the world hardened you so much

That your voice cannot sing unless it hurts someone else?

I sing for you, but you don't listen.

I dance, but you turn away

Sometimes I catch you watching

And I get caught up, thinking you've changed --

But your eyes turn cold

If just to look for another wound to make,

Or thing to take,

Or heart to break --

Because that's the only way your heart stays whole.

Don't expect me to change.

I still sing, because it brings me joy

I dance because it makes my heart sing,

And I will still do them because it's who I AM.

In a perfect world, there is room for all

I just wish I could make you see

Because the world would be a better place

If the truth didn't hurt

And the blind chose to see

That there is enough for all to have a role

Run their show

And take a bow.

Once the curtain is closed

You'll see

That I'm so much more than you supposed me to be. 

SUPERMAN

    
S U P E R M A N

 by Michelle Nelson for Randy Humphries

No Fortress of Solitude can protect anyone

From an enemy like this;

Insidious, sneaky, shifty and silent.

Uglier than Lex Luthor.

            No secret identity can hide you.

            No phone booth to change you.

No damsel in distress to take your mind off the world's problems.

The definition of a hero

Is not measured by the size of his shield

Or the color of his cape.

A true hero is one who meets a battle like this head on....

            Faster than a speeding bullet,

                        More powerful than a locomotive--

Surrounded by loved ones

From which he gathers his strength.

It's not about winning, or fairness --

But showing the world that good guys can still win.

That the cure can poison your body but it doesn't have to poison your mind.

That a positive attitude and a sense of humor are the best superpowers.

That truth, justice, and the American way still prevails.

Values matter.  Friends matter. 

Toes in the sand matter. 

Chocolate matters.

Daughters dancing, boys sporting and acting and just being boys....matters.

Making memories matters.

Heavenly Father and prayers and faith matter.

Being married to Wonder Woman not only matters, but means more than this world.

            (and you don't need the Lasso of Truth to know THAT)

Because Families Matter.....Forever. 

Sometimes it takes an insurmountable challenge

            Given to ordinary people

                        (like leaping tall buildings with a single bound)

To cause extraordinary things to come to pass.

And not just for them, but for those they have taught or inspired or loved....

Some people have to watch their heroes on TV or in comic books;

But Superman is a personal friend of mine.

And there isn't enough Kryptonite on the planet to make me forget that.

You are a  SUPER  MAN......

You are our hero.

#TeamRandy

Ask and Ye Shall Receive...

You know, as I go through FB this morning, I am kinda lost.  I see LOTS of people that I have had experience with (some thru association only, mind you) as being the most judgmental, unkind people getting high-fived all over the place. On the flip side, I see people who have some of the kindest hearts and giving souls going through some of the most miserable stuff life has to offer.  I am a giving, kind soul myself, but with the "curse" of a very strong, outspoken personality.  I salute the elephant in the room when others would rather ignore it.  Heck, I even name it and feed it peanuts.  I stand up for those who are being hurt, often becoming the new target for their attacker. Apparently people would rather mistreat others and believe gossip than look at the truth standing right in front of them.  I can't do it all, but I will be the best friend you will ever ask for with what I am physically and emotionally able to offer.  It doesn't make me perfect, but it does make me human.  And deserving of better treatment than I have gotten at times in life, that's for sure.

So, other than accepting an invitation to my pity party (if you RSVP, bring chocolate, diet Pepsi, or chips and salsa), what else do you think I want out of all this?  Maybe to be heard. Understood. For once.

Recently, I experienced a resurgence in a long-dead pasttime: stage performance.  Within the space of one year, I was cast in three stage shows, a full-blown production at a hotel, and a premiere of a new musical as a choral reading in a really eclectic setting.  In a year's time...after being "out of the loop" for nearly 25 years. It was exhilarating to meet all of these creative, talented people and just learn at their feet.  To say I was a sponge would be an understatement. But the second the stage lights went down, I was...well, a little miffed.  I don't claim to be of the same caliber or class as these people, but I truly have thought of some of them as great new friends and examples. As they have gotten other roles and callings, I have gone to support them, even in times where I had tried to get cast and didn't.  I see them doing amazing things, but when I ask where they are finding auditions and opportunities, a crazy thing happens...I hear a slamming door. And I am not so sure the sound is just in my head.

The theatre/performing community in our town is quite small, and seems to have better guarded secrets than Fort Knox.  During my short, wonderful foray into their world, I learned so much.  I wanted to (and still want to) learn so much more. But as far as getting feedback for improvement or leads on other roles, this newbie was...well...no longer welcome.  I sent several emails to directors and fellow actors requesting feedback, begging for brutally honest ways I could improve myself. I offered to take people to lunch. I offered my services to fold programs, usher, iron costumes, etc. -- but was kinda told in no uncertain terms (through spoken words or just plain ignorance) that my help was not really "good enough".  The implied response was always "we have OUR people". There seems to be an inner circle in the theatre community, where if you are not already part of it, closely connected to someone in it, have money to finance it, or just legitimately INSANELY talented, there isn't room for you.  In ANY respect.

Now mind you, before you interpret any of this as sour grapes, I have no delusions of grandeur.  I am not rich, have no connections (obviously), and I don't consider myself insanely talented -- but I obviously have some skills or I would not have been cast in anything. Especially with my limited experience and advanced age. That being said, I am not looking to be handed a lead role (nor do I want one at this point).  I am using this experience as a case study for so many other things in my life that seem to have been "directed" (stage pun intended) more by what people have THOUGHT of me or HEARD in gossip ABOUT me than what I ACTUALLY am. And that really burns my biscuits.

People are wondrous beings, capable of so many things.  Cures for disease. Entertainment. Life-changing lessons. Gifts of every shape, size and color. However, our species has an ability that the rest of the animal kingdom really does not -- to FEEL. And cause other people to feel. And to purposely cause other living souls to feel pain --physical or emotional -- to make one person socially superior over another. Now, don't get me wrong -- judging definitely has its place, like in bake-offs or beauty contests. But in those circumstances you SIGN UP for the judging. You check a box (or a series of boxes) that says, "yes, I don't mind being compared to other people for the sake of determining that one of us here on this day, in this hour, is better than the other". CHECK. But in life, no one signs up to be judged for their actions on a daily basis.  Imagine, if you will, a life where every action, every move you make is critiqued and judged by people with no authority or talent better than yours. You probably would never get out of bed...but it happens. More than you think.

The other problem with society's blatant disregard for the Golden Rule is not the fact it has been discarded like trash -- but the fact that a lot of us humans seem to have rewritten it instead.  Like treating people differently because they are new to a group, class, or workplace. Keeping people out of the loop on things just because they have different opinions. Deciding, as a group, to attack others based on a group override of moral behavior. Or even worse, spreading lies and gossip about others or believing lies and gossip about others without stopping to actually read, speak, learn, or listen to the truth. Even when the truth is right in front of them.

I think most people are afraid of the truth. I am not, and maybe that's why people are afraid of me. I would much rather have you tell me to my face what you think, what you hate, what I did, or what you think I did, then gossip about it to a dozen other people and have a whole group of people hating on me for a bogus reason.  At least if you get the raw, ugly truth out in the open, we can deal with it like human beings are SUPPOSED to -- by working things out. That's what real friends do...they talk. TO each other, not ABOUT each other. and they teach their kids to do the same. If it is so simple, then why are we all still acting like we are on the playground choosing sides? Aren't we all supposed to be on the same team?

Politics and religion are two of the things that we are told early on in life that we should never discuss in public if we want to have any friends.  People take sides, arguments get started, friendships dissolve, rumors abound, cars get keyed, police are called....WAIT. STOP. Really?! Yes, really, people.  Some of the most disturbing events on this planet started with a simple difference of opinion. Someone's decision that they were better than another. Think about it....

The Holocaust was one of the largest atrocities mankind ever created. YES, created. A whole society of people brought into one madman's delusion that a group of people was somehow "less than" because of their religion and/or nationality.  That society lifted up a leader who on the surface was charismatic and seemed to have a good message...at the time.  By the time that society realized the message was corrupt, it was pretty much too late. An entire nation and its morals were lost, and it took outside forces to rectify the problem.  Once that leader was gone and the eyes of the world were upon them, only then could the healing and change begin to happen.  Sadly, some people who have familial ties to this event either refuse to acknowledge its existence (horrifying) or base their entire being upon it (sad). History is only condemned to repeat itself IF WE LET IT.

This pic is actually from the movie promo for "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas"

...but it illustrates my point below.

A select group of people on both sides of this event, both German and Jew, have come together as human beings and educate today's youth about the Holocaust.  Some programs have the two opposing forces sitting side by side, discussing what happened.  Forgiveness, at least between those two individuals, for a long-past (albeit horrific) event, has taught more than any history book ever did. At that moment, there are two human beings on stage.  Not German or Czech.  Not Christian or Jew. Just. Humans.

The religion I happen to practice has us address each other as Brother and Sister, as a nod to our premortal life where we were all related to our Creator....as human beings on this planet, whatever religion or theory you subscribe to, we should be treating people as such.  Sibling rivalries and pranks aside, would you purposely hurt or defame someone you call Sister? Brother? I would hope not, and I think the world would be a better place if we thought about one another in this way.

Dr. Seuss had a story about some really interesting bird-like creatures called the Sneetches.  In this tale, there are Sneetches with stars on their bellies who have decided that they are better than the Sneetches without:

Now, the Star-Bellied Sneetches had bellies with stars.
The Plain-Belly Sneetches had none upon thars.
Those stars weren’t so big. They were really so small.
You might think such a thing wouldn’t matter at all.

But, because they had stars, all the Star-Belly Sneetches
Would brag, “We’re the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches.”
With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they’d snort
“We’ll have nothing to do with the Plain-Belly sort!”
And, whenever they met some, when they were out walking,
They’d hike right on past them without even talking.

When the Star-Belly children went out to play ball,
Could a Plain Belly get in the game? Not at all.
You only could play if your bellies had stars
And the Plain-Belly children had none upon thars.
 

Sound kind of familiar?  I bet all of us has some kind of experience to relate to this.  A time when you have been made to feel "less than", and often through no fault of your own.  It would have been different if maybe the Plain Bellies had offended, or had a reason to apologize, but noooo....the Star Bellies had decided they were better just because of what? A birthmark? Or in society -- a better house? Higher salary? Better body? New car? And not only did they decide they were better...they got their children involved in the game of "less than". This burns my biscuits.

Children, up to a certain age, believe what they are told.  It is only when they reach a certain developmental plateau that they decide, for themselves, what to believe and why it is so.  However...if you tell anyone, especially a child, that they are _____________ for ______________ reason enough times, they are going to grow up believing it.  And the consequences for those not strong enough to break the cycle are devastating.

Continuing the tale of the Sneetches...an entrepreneur comes to town, sees the mayhem, and sees a quick buck to be made:

Then ONE day, it seems while the Plain-Belly Sneetches
Were moping and doping alone on the beaches,
Just sitting there wishing their bellies had stars,
A stranger zipped up in the strangest of cars!

“My friends”, he announced in a voice clear and clean,
“My name is Sylvester McMonkey McBean.
And I’ve heard of Your troubles. I’ve heard you’re unhappy.
But I can fix that, I’m the Fix-It-Up Chappie.

I’ve come here to help you. I have what you need.
And my prices are low. And I work with great speed.
And my work is 100% guaranteed!”
Then, quickly, Sylvester McMonkey McBean
Put together a very peculiar machine. 

 

 And he said, “You want stars like a Star-Belly Sneetch?
My friends, you can have them for three dollars each!”
“Just pay me your money and hop right aboard!”
So they clambered inside. Then the big machine roared.
And it klonked. And it bonked. And it jerked. And it berked.
And it bopped them about. But the thing really worked!
When the Plain-Belly Sneetches popped out, they had stars!
They actually did. They had stars upon thars!

So now what? Everyone is the same right? End of story?   Not so much.  The snooty "original" star bellies were upset that they couldn't play the "less than" game any more.  McBean, again, saw a buck to be made and allowed them to go through his machine and have their stars REMOVED -- for a higher fee, of course.  This parade of vanity goes on for awhile, stars on and off and back on again (the video is pretty funny if you Google it), with the original snobs still trying to find ways to play the "less than" game and the original plain bellies -- who are now invested in the "keep up with the Joneses" game -- just trying to fit in.  Now what?  Read on:

Changing their stars every minute or two. They kept paying money.
They kept running through until the Plain nor the Star-Bellies knew
Whether this one was that one or that one was this one. Or which one
Was what one or what one was who.

Then, when every last cent of their money was spent,
The Fix-It-Up Chappie packed up. And he went.
And he laughed as he drove In his car up the beach,
“They never will learn. No. You can’t Teach a Sneetch!”

But McBean was quite wrong. I’m quite happy to say.
That the Sneetches got really quite smart on that day.
The day they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches.
And no kind of Sneetch is the best on the beaches.
That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars and whether
They had one, or not, upon thars.

At the end of the day on that star-studded beach, no one knew or cared who was the "original".  They couldn't tell.  And that day, poor and broke dollar-wise, the Sneetches truly became rich.  Rich in the knowledge that no one is better than anyone else.  That we are inherently all the same...but different.  And that's OK.

Society (and we are part of that, for better or worse) has told us it's NOT OK.  All sorts of businesses and groups have popped up along the way to cater to those who feel "less than" and those who make people feel "less than".  From innocuous professions as plastic surgeons (kind of like McMonkey McBean, don't you think?) to the more outright, in your face predators like Westboro Baptist Church, society is full of people, places, and things that will gladly take your money, your sanity, and your self-respect all in the name of fitting in. Whatever that's worth.

(Before I get lynched by plastic surgeons, let me digress a minute -- you do wonderful work, don't get me wrong. From fixing congential defects to recreating body parts lost to cancer or other disease, you work miracles worthy of the Master himself.  I am talking about the "McBeans" of your profession that perpetuate the myth that people are not good enough just the way they are, so they need enlargements and tucks and additions and subtractions. If you are not a "McBean", don't get your knickers in a twist.....) If society did not create the horrible game of "less than", there wouldn't be so many in your office for the "stars on thars" types of procedures. 

Now Westboro and their ilk, that's entirely another story.  We as a society with the rules we have created to govern ourselves ALLOW them to exist in the name of free speech, even hate speech. They protest all sorts of things in the name of some alternative lifestyle they profess to hate so much. Funerals of soldiers and children.  Public patriotic events.  Solemn assemblies celebrating national tragedies.  All of which have nothing to do with being homosexual. Or being a church for that matter. But they too, are Sneetches who have decided that because you love differently than they do, you are considerably "less than". And they think the whole world should have to hear their hate. Which burns my biscuits even more. I'd like to put those people in some kind of a machine of my own whenever I hear of their protests, because there really is not a reason for that kind of hate against anyone.

So....you don't love like I do? Great -- but you still love and that's a blessing.  You don't believe in my God? That's OK -- we can still pray for and bless each other with our friendship.  Your skin is a different color? Guess what -- you are gorgeous and so am I! Fat, thin, religious, not, rich, poor, homeless, handicapped, working, retired, Democrat, Republican, old, young, star-bellied, plain-bellied -- blah blah blah -- whatever star you display on your belly SHOULDN'T  MATTER to any of us. Only kindness and love matter.  Only the simple facts. Like mine, for instance....

The fact that I don't share the same religion or politics you do does NOT mean I love you any less.  Or want you to love or vote against your being. Ask me, I'll tell you.

The fact that I am not afraid to tell you the truth should earn me your friendship, not banish me to the Isle of Misfit Toys.  I think you're worth the truth because you matter. And if you ignore that elephant in the room, he'll eventually sit on you.

The fact that while I may not be the best actress in the world, the fact that I enjoy it and am interested in your star qualities and talent should be reason enough to let me have a window to your world. Even just to clean it once in awhile.  I want to learn, not steal your limelight.

The fact that although I am insanely busy but willing to give you the little free time I do have should be enough.  Just enough and nothing more.

The fact that while I may look like a strong person on the outside, on the inside, I am just a girl who wants to be loved and respected. And hates to be judged unfairly or gossiped about. Or labeled. I'm not a b**** and I dislike people giving me that label.  Or buying into what others say about me instead of asking me what the real scoop might be. Actually talk to me, and you will see what kind of person I really am. 

The fact that I offer you the Golden Rule with my friendship should earn me the same respect. And not just when your other, more "starry" friends aren't looking....

The fact that you're even taking the time to read this means you matter. And you're listening.  And maybe that means we are on the way to less burnt biscuits. Yeah, I could DEFINITELY have "less" of those.