My words to my child are to be better, not bitter -- and to
find your own path and other people to walk with you that will be there even
for the bumps in the road. My words to my child are that you are beautiful,
talented, and gifted -- and they are probably just jealous (my mother's same
words to me). I tell my child that popularity is fleeting and vain, but the
world and these part time friends say otherwise.
It is hard when you have to take the first steps alone,
though (been there done that). Sometimes I still feel like I am alone, but then
I remember I chose that path a long time ago when people were treating me like
my child is being treated. Sure, I did find some close friends along the way
(and some fantastic new ones) -- but it took a long time. I really don't want
that kind of misery for my child. It is hard enough that a child struggles with
self esteem, but even more so when so-called "friends" think the
child is only worth having around when other, more popular people are not there.
So what do I say to my child? We go for milkshakes. There is
talking and crying and watching of favorite movies until we both fall asleep,
physically and emotionally exhausted. There are memories flooding back to me of
my lonely, sometimes tortured teen years and my gut-wrenching fear that my
child is in for the same thing. I survived it somehow, but I must have blocked
that out -- because when I see it happen to my beautiful, talented child I
don't know what to do, or how to help.
I admonish all parents to watch your children. I watch mine
like a hawk and always have because of the way I was treated when I was
younger. I never wanted ANY of my kids to treat others badly. I have dragged a
couple of mine by the ear in the "apology perp walk" stance to
correct wrongs. Watch how they treat people. Don't be fooled by popularity and
buy in to what the world tells you about them. It's NOT OK to make another
human being cry and then laugh about it. That's not being popular -- it's being
petty and vain. Maturity will sort out those people in its own time, but some
of the people they have hurt along the way may not end up being strong enough
to make it through to see it happen. I lost several friends in school that way,
and I don't want that for my child OR yours -- on either side of the equation.
So, save the children. ALL of them. Make room at the table for everyone, because
you might be surprised who your "best friend" or your biggest fan
will turn out to be. I know this mom would appreciate you thinking about that
today.