Ask and Ye Shall Receive...

You know, as I go through FB this morning, I am kinda lost.  I see LOTS of people that I have had experience with (some thru association only, mind you) as being the most judgmental, unkind people getting high-fived all over the place. On the flip side, I see people who have some of the kindest hearts and giving souls going through some of the most miserable stuff life has to offer.  I am a giving, kind soul myself, but with the "curse" of a very strong, outspoken personality.  I salute the elephant in the room when others would rather ignore it.  Heck, I even name it and feed it peanuts.  I stand up for those who are being hurt, often becoming the new target for their attacker. Apparently people would rather mistreat others and believe gossip than look at the truth standing right in front of them.  I can't do it all, but I will be the best friend you will ever ask for with what I am physically and emotionally able to offer.  It doesn't make me perfect, but it does make me human.  And deserving of better treatment than I have gotten at times in life, that's for sure.

So, other than accepting an invitation to my pity party (if you RSVP, bring chocolate, diet Pepsi, or chips and salsa), what else do you think I want out of all this?  Maybe to be heard. Understood. For once.

Recently, I experienced a resurgence in a long-dead pasttime: stage performance.  Within the space of one year, I was cast in three stage shows, a full-blown production at a hotel, and a premiere of a new musical as a choral reading in a really eclectic setting.  In a year's time...after being "out of the loop" for nearly 25 years. It was exhilarating to meet all of these creative, talented people and just learn at their feet.  To say I was a sponge would be an understatement. But the second the stage lights went down, I was...well, a little miffed.  I don't claim to be of the same caliber or class as these people, but I truly have thought of some of them as great new friends and examples. As they have gotten other roles and callings, I have gone to support them, even in times where I had tried to get cast and didn't.  I see them doing amazing things, but when I ask where they are finding auditions and opportunities, a crazy thing happens...I hear a slamming door. And I am not so sure the sound is just in my head.

The theatre/performing community in our town is quite small, and seems to have better guarded secrets than Fort Knox.  During my short, wonderful foray into their world, I learned so much.  I wanted to (and still want to) learn so much more. But as far as getting feedback for improvement or leads on other roles, this newbie was...well...no longer welcome.  I sent several emails to directors and fellow actors requesting feedback, begging for brutally honest ways I could improve myself. I offered to take people to lunch. I offered my services to fold programs, usher, iron costumes, etc. -- but was kinda told in no uncertain terms (through spoken words or just plain ignorance) that my help was not really "good enough".  The implied response was always "we have OUR people". There seems to be an inner circle in the theatre community, where if you are not already part of it, closely connected to someone in it, have money to finance it, or just legitimately INSANELY talented, there isn't room for you.  In ANY respect.

Now mind you, before you interpret any of this as sour grapes, I have no delusions of grandeur.  I am not rich, have no connections (obviously), and I don't consider myself insanely talented -- but I obviously have some skills or I would not have been cast in anything. Especially with my limited experience and advanced age. That being said, I am not looking to be handed a lead role (nor do I want one at this point).  I am using this experience as a case study for so many other things in my life that seem to have been "directed" (stage pun intended) more by what people have THOUGHT of me or HEARD in gossip ABOUT me than what I ACTUALLY am. And that really burns my biscuits.

People are wondrous beings, capable of so many things.  Cures for disease. Entertainment. Life-changing lessons. Gifts of every shape, size and color. However, our species has an ability that the rest of the animal kingdom really does not -- to FEEL. And cause other people to feel. And to purposely cause other living souls to feel pain --physical or emotional -- to make one person socially superior over another. Now, don't get me wrong -- judging definitely has its place, like in bake-offs or beauty contests. But in those circumstances you SIGN UP for the judging. You check a box (or a series of boxes) that says, "yes, I don't mind being compared to other people for the sake of determining that one of us here on this day, in this hour, is better than the other". CHECK. But in life, no one signs up to be judged for their actions on a daily basis.  Imagine, if you will, a life where every action, every move you make is critiqued and judged by people with no authority or talent better than yours. You probably would never get out of bed...but it happens. More than you think.

The other problem with society's blatant disregard for the Golden Rule is not the fact it has been discarded like trash -- but the fact that a lot of us humans seem to have rewritten it instead.  Like treating people differently because they are new to a group, class, or workplace. Keeping people out of the loop on things just because they have different opinions. Deciding, as a group, to attack others based on a group override of moral behavior. Or even worse, spreading lies and gossip about others or believing lies and gossip about others without stopping to actually read, speak, learn, or listen to the truth. Even when the truth is right in front of them.

I think most people are afraid of the truth. I am not, and maybe that's why people are afraid of me. I would much rather have you tell me to my face what you think, what you hate, what I did, or what you think I did, then gossip about it to a dozen other people and have a whole group of people hating on me for a bogus reason.  At least if you get the raw, ugly truth out in the open, we can deal with it like human beings are SUPPOSED to -- by working things out. That's what real friends do...they talk. TO each other, not ABOUT each other. and they teach their kids to do the same. If it is so simple, then why are we all still acting like we are on the playground choosing sides? Aren't we all supposed to be on the same team?

Politics and religion are two of the things that we are told early on in life that we should never discuss in public if we want to have any friends.  People take sides, arguments get started, friendships dissolve, rumors abound, cars get keyed, police are called....WAIT. STOP. Really?! Yes, really, people.  Some of the most disturbing events on this planet started with a simple difference of opinion. Someone's decision that they were better than another. Think about it....

The Holocaust was one of the largest atrocities mankind ever created. YES, created. A whole society of people brought into one madman's delusion that a group of people was somehow "less than" because of their religion and/or nationality.  That society lifted up a leader who on the surface was charismatic and seemed to have a good message...at the time.  By the time that society realized the message was corrupt, it was pretty much too late. An entire nation and its morals were lost, and it took outside forces to rectify the problem.  Once that leader was gone and the eyes of the world were upon them, only then could the healing and change begin to happen.  Sadly, some people who have familial ties to this event either refuse to acknowledge its existence (horrifying) or base their entire being upon it (sad). History is only condemned to repeat itself IF WE LET IT.

This pic is actually from the movie promo for "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas"

...but it illustrates my point below.

A select group of people on both sides of this event, both German and Jew, have come together as human beings and educate today's youth about the Holocaust.  Some programs have the two opposing forces sitting side by side, discussing what happened.  Forgiveness, at least between those two individuals, for a long-past (albeit horrific) event, has taught more than any history book ever did. At that moment, there are two human beings on stage.  Not German or Czech.  Not Christian or Jew. Just. Humans.

The religion I happen to practice has us address each other as Brother and Sister, as a nod to our premortal life where we were all related to our Creator....as human beings on this planet, whatever religion or theory you subscribe to, we should be treating people as such.  Sibling rivalries and pranks aside, would you purposely hurt or defame someone you call Sister? Brother? I would hope not, and I think the world would be a better place if we thought about one another in this way.

Dr. Seuss had a story about some really interesting bird-like creatures called the Sneetches.  In this tale, there are Sneetches with stars on their bellies who have decided that they are better than the Sneetches without:

Now, the Star-Bellied Sneetches had bellies with stars.
The Plain-Belly Sneetches had none upon thars.
Those stars weren’t so big. They were really so small.
You might think such a thing wouldn’t matter at all.

But, because they had stars, all the Star-Belly Sneetches
Would brag, “We’re the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches.”
With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they’d snort
“We’ll have nothing to do with the Plain-Belly sort!”
And, whenever they met some, when they were out walking,
They’d hike right on past them without even talking.

When the Star-Belly children went out to play ball,
Could a Plain Belly get in the game? Not at all.
You only could play if your bellies had stars
And the Plain-Belly children had none upon thars.
 

Sound kind of familiar?  I bet all of us has some kind of experience to relate to this.  A time when you have been made to feel "less than", and often through no fault of your own.  It would have been different if maybe the Plain Bellies had offended, or had a reason to apologize, but noooo....the Star Bellies had decided they were better just because of what? A birthmark? Or in society -- a better house? Higher salary? Better body? New car? And not only did they decide they were better...they got their children involved in the game of "less than". This burns my biscuits.

Children, up to a certain age, believe what they are told.  It is only when they reach a certain developmental plateau that they decide, for themselves, what to believe and why it is so.  However...if you tell anyone, especially a child, that they are _____________ for ______________ reason enough times, they are going to grow up believing it.  And the consequences for those not strong enough to break the cycle are devastating.

Continuing the tale of the Sneetches...an entrepreneur comes to town, sees the mayhem, and sees a quick buck to be made:

Then ONE day, it seems while the Plain-Belly Sneetches
Were moping and doping alone on the beaches,
Just sitting there wishing their bellies had stars,
A stranger zipped up in the strangest of cars!

“My friends”, he announced in a voice clear and clean,
“My name is Sylvester McMonkey McBean.
And I’ve heard of Your troubles. I’ve heard you’re unhappy.
But I can fix that, I’m the Fix-It-Up Chappie.

I’ve come here to help you. I have what you need.
And my prices are low. And I work with great speed.
And my work is 100% guaranteed!”
Then, quickly, Sylvester McMonkey McBean
Put together a very peculiar machine. 

 

 And he said, “You want stars like a Star-Belly Sneetch?
My friends, you can have them for three dollars each!”
“Just pay me your money and hop right aboard!”
So they clambered inside. Then the big machine roared.
And it klonked. And it bonked. And it jerked. And it berked.
And it bopped them about. But the thing really worked!
When the Plain-Belly Sneetches popped out, they had stars!
They actually did. They had stars upon thars!

So now what? Everyone is the same right? End of story?   Not so much.  The snooty "original" star bellies were upset that they couldn't play the "less than" game any more.  McBean, again, saw a buck to be made and allowed them to go through his machine and have their stars REMOVED -- for a higher fee, of course.  This parade of vanity goes on for awhile, stars on and off and back on again (the video is pretty funny if you Google it), with the original snobs still trying to find ways to play the "less than" game and the original plain bellies -- who are now invested in the "keep up with the Joneses" game -- just trying to fit in.  Now what?  Read on:

Changing their stars every minute or two. They kept paying money.
They kept running through until the Plain nor the Star-Bellies knew
Whether this one was that one or that one was this one. Or which one
Was what one or what one was who.

Then, when every last cent of their money was spent,
The Fix-It-Up Chappie packed up. And he went.
And he laughed as he drove In his car up the beach,
“They never will learn. No. You can’t Teach a Sneetch!”

But McBean was quite wrong. I’m quite happy to say.
That the Sneetches got really quite smart on that day.
The day they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches.
And no kind of Sneetch is the best on the beaches.
That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars and whether
They had one, or not, upon thars.

At the end of the day on that star-studded beach, no one knew or cared who was the "original".  They couldn't tell.  And that day, poor and broke dollar-wise, the Sneetches truly became rich.  Rich in the knowledge that no one is better than anyone else.  That we are inherently all the same...but different.  And that's OK.

Society (and we are part of that, for better or worse) has told us it's NOT OK.  All sorts of businesses and groups have popped up along the way to cater to those who feel "less than" and those who make people feel "less than".  From innocuous professions as plastic surgeons (kind of like McMonkey McBean, don't you think?) to the more outright, in your face predators like Westboro Baptist Church, society is full of people, places, and things that will gladly take your money, your sanity, and your self-respect all in the name of fitting in. Whatever that's worth.

(Before I get lynched by plastic surgeons, let me digress a minute -- you do wonderful work, don't get me wrong. From fixing congential defects to recreating body parts lost to cancer or other disease, you work miracles worthy of the Master himself.  I am talking about the "McBeans" of your profession that perpetuate the myth that people are not good enough just the way they are, so they need enlargements and tucks and additions and subtractions. If you are not a "McBean", don't get your knickers in a twist.....) If society did not create the horrible game of "less than", there wouldn't be so many in your office for the "stars on thars" types of procedures. 

Now Westboro and their ilk, that's entirely another story.  We as a society with the rules we have created to govern ourselves ALLOW them to exist in the name of free speech, even hate speech. They protest all sorts of things in the name of some alternative lifestyle they profess to hate so much. Funerals of soldiers and children.  Public patriotic events.  Solemn assemblies celebrating national tragedies.  All of which have nothing to do with being homosexual. Or being a church for that matter. But they too, are Sneetches who have decided that because you love differently than they do, you are considerably "less than". And they think the whole world should have to hear their hate. Which burns my biscuits even more. I'd like to put those people in some kind of a machine of my own whenever I hear of their protests, because there really is not a reason for that kind of hate against anyone.

So....you don't love like I do? Great -- but you still love and that's a blessing.  You don't believe in my God? That's OK -- we can still pray for and bless each other with our friendship.  Your skin is a different color? Guess what -- you are gorgeous and so am I! Fat, thin, religious, not, rich, poor, homeless, handicapped, working, retired, Democrat, Republican, old, young, star-bellied, plain-bellied -- blah blah blah -- whatever star you display on your belly SHOULDN'T  MATTER to any of us. Only kindness and love matter.  Only the simple facts. Like mine, for instance....

The fact that I don't share the same religion or politics you do does NOT mean I love you any less.  Or want you to love or vote against your being. Ask me, I'll tell you.

The fact that I am not afraid to tell you the truth should earn me your friendship, not banish me to the Isle of Misfit Toys.  I think you're worth the truth because you matter. And if you ignore that elephant in the room, he'll eventually sit on you.

The fact that while I may not be the best actress in the world, the fact that I enjoy it and am interested in your star qualities and talent should be reason enough to let me have a window to your world. Even just to clean it once in awhile.  I want to learn, not steal your limelight.

The fact that although I am insanely busy but willing to give you the little free time I do have should be enough.  Just enough and nothing more.

The fact that while I may look like a strong person on the outside, on the inside, I am just a girl who wants to be loved and respected. And hates to be judged unfairly or gossiped about. Or labeled. I'm not a b**** and I dislike people giving me that label.  Or buying into what others say about me instead of asking me what the real scoop might be. Actually talk to me, and you will see what kind of person I really am. 

The fact that I offer you the Golden Rule with my friendship should earn me the same respect. And not just when your other, more "starry" friends aren't looking....

The fact that you're even taking the time to read this means you matter. And you're listening.  And maybe that means we are on the way to less burnt biscuits. Yeah, I could DEFINITELY have "less" of those.