I Beg to Differ

     

I was in process of changing my banner picture on FaceBook when I came across this picture in my "saved" file. I had originally copied it from another friend's wall, placed there in reference to the latest political issue blowing up in the media (we have SO many lately I can't even remember which one). It hit me that this picture is a metaphor for the way I have lived my life so I decided to write about it.

          I was always kind of a different child. During my early school years, it was that "different" that made me stand out to teachers and get awards for my performance and creativity.   Different enough to get asked to do challenging or time-sensitive things, because people knew I could handle them. Different enough to speak up about the tough things when others were ignoring them like that silly 'ol elephant in the room. Oh, yeah -- and different that got me called out and beat up at lunch, made fun of mercilessly, and left sitting alone on the grassy hill at recess, wiping a mixture of dirt and tears from my thick coke-bottle lens glasses. Sometimes different was a blessing, other times a curse. I had a difficult time seeing that (even with the thick glasses) -- why my unusual gifts were at times a blessing and other times a burden so heavy I sometimes thought I couldn't go on carrying them. It has taken me YEARS to appreciate the fact the my "different" is what makes me ME. 

          From those who practice different religions to people with different cultures and customs, the world and its so-called "in the moment" definition of normal has always made it difficult to be different. Some people are blessed with thicker skin than others, making it easier to shield themselves from unkind comments and unwanted labels. My religion has always taught that although we are created in the image of our Maker, we are given our agency and our spirits are different. Wait...different?  So, my Heavenly Father, Creator of my spirit -- my spirit made in His image, says it is OK for me to be different? But you say it isn't. Now something's wrong with that.

          Take body image, for instance. Young women in today's society are often starving themselves to fit in with society's definition of beauty. Normal. Which is usually extremely thin.  Now, for some people given certain genetics, this IS their normal. Good for them. BUT...trying to make everyone fit into the same mold at the expense of their health and self esteem isn't good for anyone in the long run. Every woman reading this has probably been on some type of diet or another in their lifetime, or exercises like a maniac to justify eating a scoop of Haagen-Dazs. 

Guess what? 

In the '50s, Marilyn Monroe was the ideal of all hot-blooded men everywhere...and she was a size 12-14 by today's standards. 

 Crazy, right? That society over the last few years has decided that a healthy, beautiful, curvy woman is NOT the ideal. 

          On a side note, Monroe herself was so overwhelmed by society's obsession with her beauty and fame and how THEY thought she was supposed to be that she took her own life. She...Norma Jean Baker...was actually a pretty intuitive, forward-thinking, sensitive woman.  But society and the starmakers told her she was supposed to be a dumb blonde sex toy. No wonder she was always trying to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol, because she wasn't strong enough to run the other direction. Makes ya think, doesn't it?

          I always tell my daughter, "you can be bitter, or you can be better". She hates it when I say it, but I think it is sinking in. And it's true. I can do my best to treat others kindly, apologize when I have offended, credit others for their accomplishments, and work hard every day -- and if it isn't enough for someone else, that it THEIR problem. 

          I could go on and on with other examples, but it's all about the same. The issue is, what to do about it? It has taken me literally almost 45 years to come to terms with the fact I am different. That not everyone is going to like me. That I WILL get blamed for things that are not even remotely my fault, and often because of my differences. That people will talk about me behind my back rather than to my face because I don't fit their mold. That people choose to be my friend only when my differences suit them. I have spent WAY too long agonizing over why certain people don't allow me into their circle. It finally hit me a while back that just because they don't appreciate me the way I am, it does not matter. I need to appreciate ME for the way I am -- that I run the other way, speak up, get perceived as the crazy b**** because I am stronger than the masses. I don't have to be part of things to be a part of things. It's funny, because I would never in a million years treat people the way I have been treated at certain points in my life. And I am proud to say that is one of the many things that make me different. Because I won't become what society has thrown on me. And I run the other direction even if I am the only one on that path.

          I sometimes perm my hair when the rest of the fashion world says, be straight.  I speak up when the rest of the group whispers, be silent.  I dress conservatively though society says, hey, you have a great body...show some more skin. I leave my Sundays for church and family dinner when others say, but you're missing the party.  I will let you in on a little secret that a lot of people have not figured out yet. And it won't cost you a cent...

          When I come home at night, and it's quiet, I am alone with my thoughts for a brief period of time before I fall asleep.  This is after I have washed my face and brushed my teeth and had an opportunity to view my tired self in the mirror. Other than my husband of nearly 25 years sleeping soundly beside me, no one else is in the room. No one judging, no one accusing, no one speaking. And I have that final moment before I sleep to realize I am OK with myself despite what the world thinks of my effort. That I have pleased God with my actions. That I have made others happy. That I have stood up for those who couldn't find their voice. And if my inner voice whispers to me that I have failed in any of those categories, I vow to rise in the morning and make amends. You have to be OK with you, and if the world isn't, so be it. If you have offended people and they do not accept your apologies, so be it. That is on their karma platter, and you don't have to eat it. And it's taken 40+ years for me to learn that lesson. 

So... 

 

the next time you run into someone you haven't seen for awhile, take a moment and appreciate what makes them different.  Chances are, it's the quality that drew you to them in the first place...

        

  

  the next time you see something wrong happening right in front of you, make a choice to make a change. Don't just run with the herd....

   



   
     the next time someone judges, accuses, disrespects, labels, or ignores you, go ahead and stand your ground. Defend yourself if that's what it takes for you to be OK with yourself.  Then turn and walk away...

           



 the next time you wrong someone, apologize genuinely to their face.  If they don't accept it, write a letter if it makes you feel better. Then let it go. Holding onto a grudge is ugly, and you don't need that weighing you down. The herd that tells you otherwise is running in the wrong direction...

          Next time, beg to differ. The world needs you to stand up and stand out. There is too much grey and not enough color in this place. Thanks for listening.....:)