Confession: I am kind of a FaceBook freak. Not in a bad way, mind you. It is kind of my poor-woman's escape from
reality, since I can't afford a plane ticket to Cozumel. I can see what YOU are doing, tell you what I
am doing, and even post pictures of things as they happen. It's kind of like the old-fashioned Peeping
Toms, creeps who would get happy off sneaking around town and looking into
other people's windows...except we now ALLOW it and are willing participants in
it. Society has definitely evolved into
something interesting when we can allow others access to our daily thoughts
without any face to face interaction at all...FACEbook, indeed. More like Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window, if you ask me...
For
those of you too young to remember, Rear
Window is a movie where a man, temporarily disabled, is confined to his
apartment -- where his only form of entertainment is spying on his neighbors
through binoculars from his window, living through them as he recuperates. He sees (or thinks he sees) a murder take place, and spends the rest of the
movie trying to convince people that a woman has actually been murdered. No one believes him at first, but eventually
he convinces those closest to him to take a second look. And what they find changes things
forever. The reason I make the
comparison between FaceBook and this movie is simple -- what YOU see through
your binoculars may be the truth or a finely crafted fib. A mask faced outward to society's view, put
there to hide what is really going on within.
You see what someone wants you
to see, and only that.
FaceBook
is an interesting peek into society's anomalies...
Friends
of my children, who probably wouldn't invite me to a sleepover, think nothing
of "friending" me and posting on my page. Consequently, I friend them in return,
allowing me to use my binoculars to
return to my teen years through their open window. Luckily, my page remains pretty tame -- I
don't use profanity or post inappropriate things, and I usually will hide or
block people that do. So I am a pretty
safe grown-up "window" for the teens to peer through. I am sorry to report, however, that a lot of their pages are, um, not
for prime-time viewing. I remain friends
with them anyway -- choosing to see what I want to, and quietly watching for
things that may require leaving my
window and visiting them face to face.
In case you are wondering, my children DO have a FaceBook, but ONLY with
me as their friend. Spy? You bet.
Stalker? Not if I don't have to be --
and they know that.
Second,
some people say things on FaceBook that they would never say in public.
EVER. And due to the fact
FaceBook has not unleashed an artificial intelligence app, you can't tell tone from a post. People sometimes post things in a purposely
vague tone, leaving your imagination and paranoia to wonder, "is she talking about me???" Safe behind the window, but close enough for
binocular viewing, your true thoughts can be broadcast to the masses. I am kind of guilty of this one. When things happen at work that make me
reconsider my job path, I weave fairy tales on my FaceBook page. Only the people close to the situation get
the hidden meanings, and the rest of my friends think I am just being my usual
decidedly clever self. Like some of the
neighbors in Rear Window, I can also
"pull my shade" -- blocking certain people (like who I am venting
about) from reading my posts. Or, like
other apartment dwellers, I can leave my window open to the world and openly
poke at anyone I choose. Poke. Just like that.
Several years back, I was going through some
pretty trying stuff personally -- mostly with issues related to a wayward child
and, in an unrelated sense, to my own health.
In a period of three months, I lost 30 pounds and the majority of my
sanity (and for those of you who know me, either loss by itself would be a huge
thing). My work was really the only
thing holding me together at that point, but my window was closed. And shrinking, along
with my weight. Some co-workers, rather
than ask what was going on, simply spread outrageous rumors of cancer, drug
use, eating disorders and the like. My
world was crumbling, and trying to carry the burdens alone on my now 98-pound
shoulders was becoming more and more difficult. I felt like everyone's
binoculars were turned firmly towards my failings. But no
one ever really asked me face-to-face what the problem(s) were. FaceBook did not exist then, but I can only
imagine what the posts would have been like.
Then,
a ray of light. My direct manager, who
had become a close personal friend, left the chair at his window and came down
to my level. He grilled me about what
was going on and promised to be there for me.
He could always tell when I was having a bad day. He then said something
I will never forget. When I was
wondering out loud how people who were supposed to be my friends could be so
cruel, he said, "perception isn't
always reality". And then, and
only then, did my window start opening a little. I realized that if I couldn't recognize and
accept the truth about myself, then how could I expect others to do the
same? And by the same respect, what
people thought about me really didn't matter -- only the truth did. And it was up to me how much of the truth I wanted
to reveal, knowing that my choices would affect others' view through my window.
Poke.
That
would be my last kind of pet peeve about the evolution of FaceBook. The status updates that say things like
"like this status and I will post the truth on your wall". Or "rate me". Like you are ever going to say anything approaching the truth anyway. Your truth will be something so sugar coated
and sticky sweet that it would spoil your supper, like "you are sooo
beautiful and a great singer!". Not
the real meat-and-potatoes stuff like, "you dress crazy but you don't care
and I like that about you" or "you should treat other people the way
you want to be treated". Most people would never post anything like that
in response to those questions because then people would be looking into their windows. Or throwing virtual rocks through them. Perception
isn't always reality. And windows aren't
always clean or open. Just saying.
Truth
is.....I still enjoy FaceBook. For all
its idiosyncracies and hidden meanings, and especially the pictures. I like it because it allows me to be a part
of the lives of people I haven't been able to see face to face in years. I
remain true to myself in my posts, and while sometimes purposely vague and
mysterious, I am proud to say I have never posted hurtful, unkind, or profane
comments. I love to have a forum for
posting sad, funny, or inspirational stuff and getting pats on the back from my
virtual support group when I need it. But when given the chance, I would leave
my window to be able to poke, high-five, hug, or kiss them in person. And I do--every
chance I get.
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